How a Man Handles a Breakup

By Matt Jared:
We’ve all been there, things are going smoothly with your lady friend, she seems to “enjoy” doing your laundry for three hours every other week despite the rancid smell of your best gym shorts. She may not be the one, but for right now, things are great. Then one day… BAM! She has dropped you quicker than you dropped Peyton Manning after this year’s fantasy draft. You’ve just been dumped. Now what?The following are a few tips I’ve picked up through the years in handling my woe’s with the ladies.These are in no way set in stone, in fact, you may hate these ideas worse than the time you thought you would check out that Nickelback concert last summer.

1.) Change your facial hair – I know Movember is just starting so if you’re recently broken up, you’re good to go. Besides growing your whiskers to raise awareness for prostate cancer awareness, sprouting a ‘stache can bean excellent way to change things up a bit and get you out of the funk. If you consistently rock a beard, maybe it’s time to break out the razor and clean that muck off your chin. If you shave every morning, take a few weeks off and feel that long revered George Clooney stubble change up your life. My mantra in life (for this month) goes as such and is extremely applicable to this situation: “When in doubt, let the ‘stache grow out”

2.) Go crazy – Chances are, you’re ex-girlfriend kept you from a few things that you used to do regularly. It might be for the better that she has changed your old habit of chewing an entire can of Grizzly while owning noobs for 14 hours on Call of Duty, but in this time of transition it might be best to get back to what made you the man you are today.

Translation from prior paragraph: Time to go out and get some strange / gorge on your favorite food / tailgate for three whole days for the next game / poop with the door open / do whatever it is that your girlfriend kept you from doing while you were together. Tell every girl you meet that you are recently single, call your old drinking pals, throw a party at your place and go absolutely batshit crazy. For women, this time of repair is generally spent in front of a godawful Sex and the City or Twilight marathon with pints of ice cream and gallons of red wine with “The Girls.” For us men, we need to let off some steam a little differently and breaking free from the confines of your ex is crucial.

3.) Reflect and Grow – After my latest breakup, I was able to walk away with some valuable information about myself and the opposite gender (they are all sent from Satan himself). For me, it took a lot of failed pick up lines, I started following The Rock for life advice and gorging on thousands upon thousands of calories at Five Guys to cure my love sick ways. All in all, I feel I am a much better candidate for the next gal who decides to hop on the “Awesome Train” of dating the big guy because I reflected and learned from my mistakes.

This is the most crucial period during the break up phase and everyone attacks it differently. You could take the Steve Jobs route and go on a month long acid trip in India and come back a changed and more spiritual man, others might take a less introspective look and head to Panama City Beach and The Chateau for solace or some bros cave up in the gym losing that pudginess from their ex-girl’s blue ribbon chocolate chip cookies. Regardless of the way you reflect, the actual digestion of your weaknesses and strengths and what you will take from this relationship is the most important part. After all, there wouldn’t be any need for Mo Bros without the Mo Sistas. (cue the emotional acoustic ballad you wrote for your ex)

If you have any other ideas on how to rebound from a break up feel free to share in the comments below. If you happen to be an ex of mine and are reading this, F@#% OFF!! Also, remember to join our Movember team on our donation page and maybe hit up one of those old flings with rich parents to give us a call.

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