How Wearing a Watch Will Increase Your Manliness

Watches are going extinct. Like the monocle and bowler derby before it, fewer and fewer men are choosing to wear a timepiece that is available to the public eye. With the rising popularity (aka addiction/obsession) of cell phones, you can simply pull out your phone and see what time it is (and not just where you are, you can also see what time it is in Tunisia or Mumbai or Juno, Alaska. Hell there’s probably an app where you can tell what time it is on Mars or what happened at the exact day, hour, minute, second where you’re standing a hundred years ago). However, I’ve always been a fan of watches and I take pride in the fact that I’ve worn one since Jr. High (Sadly until recently it had been the same Fossil that I got for either my 14th birthday or Hanukkah after a good friend of mine got one first). I’ve heard guys complain about the weight of watches or how expensive they are or fear of losing one. Well, to all of you prepubescent man-children out there, here’s some advice (clear the way boys, I’m ‘boutsta drop some knowledge bombs).

First, try a couple of watches on and see what kind of weight you like. Personally, I prefer lighter weight (my current watch is made out of rubber or some kind of silicone) rather than the 10 bound treasure troves that HOV and Yeezy use to check when they gotta go buy a Picasso or a sports franchise or a unicorn farm, whatever.

"I slay bitties on the reg bro, feel me? Oh yeah, watches or some sh*t."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Second, you can find a sturdy, good-looking timepiece at almost any price point you can imagine. The aforementioned Fossils go from anywhere between $50 and $100 and they’ll last forever. That being said though, a watch is a statement and it’s definitely something both men and women will ask you about when they notice you’re wearing one. There are few man-approved accessories that can make a statement as strong as a nice watch so seriously consider making a solid investment into a nice one (or just be like my Dad who found a Rolex at the beach in the early 70s and guess what, he still wears it almost daily).

Third, don’t be a dumbass and make sure you know where your watch is. If you’re one of those dudes that loses shit when he drinks, leave it in a safe place at home if you plan on getting blatto’d out at the club/bar/pub/office (Note-even if you work in a casual/relaxed office with alcohol at your disposal, try to refrain from blacking out during 9-5, however, that is a different blog post).

Think about the most suave and dapper movie characters from the past 50 years – what do they all have in common? Bruce Wayne and James Bond both experimented with remote control watch technology and although I’m not suggesting making your timepiece proximity mine ready, think about where they’d be without nice watches to go with their nicer suits.

"Do you know what time it is my dear? Time to catch the train to Pleasureville. Population - us."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some of you might think that buying a watch is buying into being a stiff, no fun, automaton, but how about you take a second to pull up your pants and take off your fitted Yankees cap (unless you’re Jay-Z, he seriously plays by his own rules) and realize that wearing a watch doesn’t restrict your personality, it should accentuate it. So nut up, put the phone away and get a watch so that next time you ask me what time it is, I don’t have to respond with the criminally annoying “time for you to get a watch” line. Seriously, I die a little on the inside every time (see what I did there?)…

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