Last week, The Bro Journey returned to form where I gave everyone a half assed look back on the year that was, we recounted our holiday experiences and Max shattered any pre-conceived notions that he was NOT a hipster with a riveting look at the best albums of 2011. Everyone seemed to be merry at the return of Team Tallsome, then New Year’s rolled around. The Bro Journey watched (one via illegal Japanese stream on his computer) an epic hungover collapse of the Cincinnati Bengals, The Bulldog and myself ate about 4 whole pizzas and Max sat in 70 degree sunniness in Austin. We were left with a fuzzy idea of what happened the night before, a throbbing headache and a new year to resolve to do better. With that said, Team Tallsome has doctored up a few resolutions for you to enjoy. Take the route you choose and be sure not to run into any temple guards … The choices are yours, and yours alone!
Matt’s New Year’s Resolutions
1.) Run a Marathon
So I wrote back in the good ole Movember time about my journey to the center of the earth when I ran six miles and simultaneously drank a half gallon of egg nog in the 102nd Annual Egg Nog Challenge. Now, you might be asking yourself: What is this big ugly dude doing running around and resolving to run 26.2 straight, in the same day and all while wearing the same clothes? And my answer: I have no f&(#ing idea why I’m doing this.
I ran cross country when I was in high school because my parents wanted me to get in shape for basketball season. I hated the idea of it and really hated them more for creating such a monstrous plan that would surely be my demise. My first practice, I could only muster out about 3 laps around the HS track before I felt like just calling it quits on this whole having parents and society thing and just moving to the woods so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Well anyway, it got better and I learned more from running cross country for two years than I would have if did the normal preseason training for basketball (lifting and getting yelled at for not boxing out). My running in high school translated to running when I was trying to get in shape for spring break or Memorial Day Hilton Head trips in college. My sporadic running in college turned into running a half marathon in May of 2011. So here we are, for some reason, I’ve convinced myself to run a marathon and 2012 is the year I’m going to do it.
If you have any tips (telling me to not do it is already ruled out) or want to join in on some training runs in the next few months drop me a line. I’ve already been accepted in the NYC Half Marathon in March and my goal is to run The Flying Pig Marathon on May 6 in Cincinnati, Ohio. I haven’t decided if I’m going to drink a shot of tequila after each mile per Cinco de Mayo but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
2.) Learn to Code
I’ve been tossing this idea around in my head for a while and I’m more excited about this than any other goal or project I have going on right now. I originally got interested in the idea of coding in late 2010 when I actually put <b> 2 </b> <i> and </i> <u> 2 </u> together (I’m a genius, I know) and figured out what coding was / is / how important it is to our every day lives.
Since then, I’ve stumbled into MANY resources talking about open source platforms, learn to code courses online and even witnessed a 12 year old punk dominate the tech scene at a TED Talk. Every tech mogul / guru / pirate / whatever dumb buzzword you’re using today has advised the next generation to learn how to code and I’m on board, finally. I know that, “I’m learning to code” is 2012’s version of “I’m walking The Appalachian Trail for the next nine months” but I really want to make an app that records how many times Max and I say the word “epic” to one another in a day.
Fortunately for you, Bro Journey participant, Max and I run a website and we’re flamboyantly badass (new buzzword) enough to do whatever we want with it and working in the code of this here beauty is top on my to do list in 2012. Hang on for the ride, internet.
3.) Be awesome
Every year, I get a full head of steam in the beginning of the year and try and do all these resolutions (I resolved to read all seven Harry Potter books in 2011 (and completed them by March)) and all this stuff but I really never get anything done and continue tweeting nonsense and calling it a good year. This year is no different, I’m just vowing to be awesome during all of it. No more moping around and letting the shit Cincinnati weather get to me and no more NOT eating 46 wings at Quaker Steak all-you-can-eat wings and no more NOT drop kicking my boss at random. I encourage everyone to do the same, except don’t sit next to me at all-you-can-eat wings, you’ll regret that decision whole-heartedly.
Max’s New Year’s Resolutions – A New Year’s Upon Us
1. Be Accountable.
For years I’ve made New Year’s resolutions, most of which have and will continue to be echoed across offices, college classrooms, and bars alike over the next few days. Be more active. Lose 10 lbs. Run a marathon. Learn an instrument. Start that pesky novel that you just know will be an American classic. However, as one year bleeds into another, how many of those supposed goals that we set for ourselves actually come true? And, to add on to that, why is it that we fail? Because of that, I’ve decided the number one thing that I need to focus on in 2012 is being more accountable.
2011 was a big year for us at The Bro Journey. When last year began, I was working a series of terrible part-time/temp. jobs in Chicago, dragging myself through the worst winter of my life while Matt wallowed away in his mom’s basement, learning to knit and taxiderm a squirrel army (mostly true stories). A lot has changed since the start of last year and now that I find myself in a much more positive environment (personally, socially, physically, emotionally, and financially), the next step is to take responsibility for mistakes and focus on achieving goals. It’s not hard folks, if you want a goal for this year that’ll change your life then let it be this: if you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you see someone when you’re out on the town and you want to see them again, then say it, but if you don’t and you just feel the need to say it to be polite, then don’t. If you say you’re going to start working out everyday and you feel the need to tell people so that they’ll help support you and keep you focused, then tell them, but don’t give up and go head first into a Twinkie and Reece’s pieces filled dive four days later. 2012 will be a year of achieving goals that you don’t always need to broadcast. And with that, let’s go to number 2.
2. Run 500 miles.
I know what you’re thinking. “Dude, that’s way more than you think it is.” However my friend, it’s really not. My plan was to do 1,000, but then I elected to shoot for something lower and if I surpass it then I’ll have something to follow up with. Today while at the gym, I got on the scale and didn’t love what I saw. For those of you who know me well, you know that there was a time where running five miles seemed impossible, maybe even life threatening, but with those days well behind me, I want to prove to myself that I’m capable of running the distance between New Orleans and Austin over the course of a year (side note – I’ve been on a big Treme kick as of late. Oh, and I live in ATX, fun facts). Wouldn’t it be great if I listened to The Proclaimers’ “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” the whole time too? No, you terrible, terrible person, it wouldn’t.
Additionally, since moving to Austin, every time I call my fellow Team Tallsome member on the weekends, he tell’s me how he’s already gone for a run, attended church, and helped a grandmother cross the street. I conversely am most likely slightly hung over and praying that we have tortillas left. If the man who I was once introduced to as the “King of The Crystal,” a man that tried to draw my fellow Max and myself into his kingdom with a dance that can only be described as a mix of gyrating, vertical worm, and thunder-thrusting, can shape up, then so can I.
3. Write More.
Well, this one is already in action. With the formation of Team Tallsome/The Bro Journey this past Fall my quantity of writing has skyrocketed. We’ve had some duds, but for the most part, our output I think has been witty, entertaining, and at times even informative (Watch out NPR, we be comin’ for ya!). We got big plans for where this blog could be in a year and after we find some more contributors, do a bit of a redesign, and figure out when Matt’s going to move here so we can get ourselves a sweet loft/”office” space/command center, THEN we’ll be in business (even though we still won’t be profitable most likely).
4. Roast an Entire Animal of Some Kind.
Lamb, pig, goat, Michele Bachman, whatever. I’ve always been fascinated with the idea of having a big roast and 2012 seems like a good year for it. As many of you know, Anthony Bourdain is a hero to me of sorts (minus the various coke/meth/crack/heroin addictions, but hey, the 80s were crazy for everybody, right?) and every time I see him tearing off a piece of roast pig cheek or lamb shank, I die a little on the inside (while simultaneously drooling on the out). In theory, it doesn’t seem all that difficult, but acquiring such a beast, along with actually having a place to do so, could be tricky. Step 1 – find a very secluded park with soft soil. Step 2 – figure out where in the hell Uncle Ted Nugent’s secret Texas game reserve is located and consult him about all things carnal and fire-oriented. Uncle Ted always knows what to do.
5. Capture a Giant Squid.
Ah yes, the saga continues. I’ve had a deep interest (yep, that just happened) in these ocean dwelling behemoths for years and every year I always tell someone that my one goal in life is to capture one to bring into captivity for study/scientific discovery/international glory (suck it Tsunemi Kubodera of the National Science Museum in Tokyo and Kyoichi Mori of the Ogasawara Whale Watching Association!), however, the cards have never really been in place. And they still aren’t really, but how rad would that be? There are very few animals on the planet that haven’t been seen alive in the wild and since my chances of capturing a Snooki in it’s natural habitat are too risky, I’ve decided the Giant Squid is a much better bet.