Well, the big game is upon us…
Aside from writing horribly overused copy to start blogs, I have spent the past few days doing what every other citizen of Planet Earth has presumably been doing: planning my bets for this weekend. I know it’s a horrible addiction for some people, but I really just like the excitement of it and I am not changing my lifestyle for the penny bets I make with my friends so I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. Translation: I FACKING LOVE GAMBLIN!!! Either way you look at it, placing a few bets on the outcome of something you have no control of is pretty cool (and first world as shit) and a fun way to keep entertained.
Since there is A LOT of hullabaloo leading up to this week’s gambling action, uh, I mean Super Bowl we have decided to supply everyone with a few prop bets you can use that might apply to the things you would want to gamble on. The rundown on Prop bets, according to Wikipedia: “a bet made regarding the occurrence or non-occurrence during a game (usually a gambling game) of an event not directly affecting the game’s final outcome.” So when someone wants to bet on the length Kelly Clarkson’s National Anthem, they are making a “Prop Bet.” Although these are 100% impossible to predict and an irrational and dumb way to spend your money, they are A LOT of fun. So we decided to help out and make you a handy sheet that you can use on game day. Instead of worrying about rushing defenses and quarterback ratings we have compiled a list of things that you will already bet on with your friends while watching the game, we just added some odds to help out.
With the help of our good buddy Max Hopkins, we have ALL of your prop bets located in one place, after the jump. If you want a printable version go ahead and CLICK HERE for the printable .pdf and if you really want to get hardcore you can see all the lines from this weekend over at Sports Book. And now, good friends, time to place your bets!!
- Number of real breasts on the cheerleading squads: + / – 7
- Who will have more time on screen: Payton or Eli?
- Replays of the “Helmet Catch”: + / – 3
- Which of the Giants stable of running backs will gain the most yards?
- Who’s taller, Cee Lo Green or Nikki Minaj?
- Percentage of actual fans of the teams playing in the stadium: + / – 50%.
- Number of times Bibi Jones and Rob Gronkowski bumped uglies that weekend he tweeted photos of her in his jersey: + / – 15
- Will Belicheck be wearing a hoodie or inside out sweatshirt?
- More points: Eli or Stephen Gostkowski?
- Will Tom Coughlin’s face stay red or actually get all the way to purple?
- Likelihood that there’s water in the coolers rather than Gatorade?
- Times they’ll replay every Peyton Manning play from the 2011 season? + / – 1000
- Number of beers the Maxs wil drink combined: + / – 10
- Level of epicness that the inevitable bred-in-captivity Bald Eagle will instill with it’s pregame encircling of the stadium: + / – a googleplex
- Number of white guys starting on both teams combined, excluding OL, special teams, and QB: + / – 3
- Number of times Brady will go over Monday’s grocery list in his head after he’s thrown his 6th touchdown to Rob “Pound-Town” Gronkowski: + / – 12
- The amount Matt will lose from terrible bets with “The Bulldog”: + / – $10
- The likelihood that Peyton is subbed in for Eli, half-way through 1st possession: + / – 50%
- Number of people who know WHY the NFL uses roman numerals: + / – 1
- Chances that Grantland’s post on this very topic is better than ours: + / – 0
- References to Bobby Knight throwing a chair: + / – 2
- References to Tim Tebow during commercials: + / – 25
- Amount of tie-ins to hashtags or Facebook pages: + / – 2515626
- Likelihood Jim Irsay vomits on Archie Manning: + / – 80%
- Times Bob Costas uses the term “Circle City” + / – 126
- Likelihood first commercial is highlights of Puppy Bowl: + / – 96%
- Time Indiana is referenced as “The Boilermaker State”? + / – .5 (Eat it, Purdue!)
- Length of Niki Minaj’s beard: + / – 4 inches
- Number of times the word “Ocho” and “Cinco” are uttered after kickoff + / – 1.5
- Number of hot dogs the Maxs and Matt eat on game day + / – 25
- Amount of times Matt dog-piles on “The Bulldog” in celebration of winning their month long playoff bet +/- 1
Here is the printable .pdf version: Super Bowl XLVI Prop Bets
Disclaimer: All lines are for entertainment purposes only. If you are dumb enough to take gambling advice from a site called “The Bro Journey” then you deserve to lose all your money.