Barry O’s Day Off

by E. Max Bonem, Esq.

Barrack Hussein Obama, lover of hoops, owner of Bo, and destroyer of individuals found to be even more elusive than the infamous Carmen Sandiego, was re-elected as POTUS last night in what turned out to be a surprisingly close election early on (while the division in both popular and electoral college votes between the two candidates slanted in Obama’s direction as the west coast started reporting in). For those of us who don’t know much about politics (including both members of this here Broeth Journey), it was a tense, nerve inducing, spectacle of holograms and David Gregory’s preposterous widow’s peak that guided us through the night. 

While others with a slightly better understanding of the way our modern day political system works seemed to never waver in their assuredness that THEIR candidate would win (sadly I don’t know any BIG time Romney supporters to get a quote from in this situation, but then again, were there ever really any to begin with or were there just massive numbers of people who didn’t like Obama, whether that’s based on his policies and effectiveness over the past four years or the skin color he was born with and what he represents?), much of America sat back and watched as NBC’s ice map of the United States turned predominantly red over the course of the evening before Bar-Bar claimed California, apparently won Florida (who knows when we’ll really know), and completely owned Ohio (two words for you: Auto. Bailout.).

Everybody just cheeeeeellllll.

Still, even on this joyous occasion where we are celebrating the re-election of a president put into inconceivably awful circumstances when he entered office four years ago (and was still able to create quite a bit of good in response to such things), our country is more divided and polarized than it has been since the Civil War (Also, Lincoln comes out next week. For the life of all that is good and sacred, go see that sh%t). Also, keep in mind that $4 billion dollars were spent on all of the campaigning leading up to the elections last night (from POTUS to local) to essentially maintain the status quo (Bo is going to be getting some SWEET new chew toys).

Are you not entertained?

However, there were some shifting tides relating to two of the most contentious issues in our country. Voters in Maine, Maryland, and Minnesota have all voted in favor of gay marriage (with Maine and Maryland, along with Washington, on a quick path to legalization) and Colorado and Washington officially legalized the recreational use of marijuana/grass/pot/herb/weed/cheebah/mary jane/enter your own colloquialism for such things: here. Obviously the federal government still has the final say in this, but HOLY SHIT, pot is (almost certainly on the path to possibly being) legal now! If you’re a gay stoner in Seattle today, you must officially be the happiest person of Earth! Who knows how Big Fed will handle this, but there actually seems to be a hint of progress that came out of last night’s predominantly stagnant stew of skepticism (so roll a fatty to celebrate?).

Oh and what is Barry spending his day doing? Well he’s probably hanging with his family while traveling back to DC from their stint in Chicago, but hopefully he can use today to take a deep breath, maybe shoot some hoops, and light up a doobie while taking Bo on a walk, that is if they stop over in Colorado or Washington. If nothing else, Obama can take a few minutes to reflect on what has been a crazy four years and look to the future for what is sure to be an even crazier four. Congrats Barry, you get another four years under the microscope, I hope you’re ready to perform some new miracles.

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