Category Archives: Full Disclosure

11 Months of Bro Journeying: What I’ve learned and what’s to come

Well well well, if isn’t The Bro Journey. Back in your internet faces again on a regular basis. Didn’t think it would ever happen again, eh? Well, I have a quick little quip for you savages… WE ARE F’ING HERE TO STAY. Well not totally, I locked Max outside on our balcony last night and haven’t let him back in yet. So we’re kind of back to normal form.

Anyway, I wanted to holler at you peeps because yesterday was kind of a big deal. It’s the 11 month anniversary of The Bro Journey. That’s right THESE two guys have had a blog for nearly an entire year and didn’t burn the internet to the ground. So with such a markedly big day in the history of the inter pipes, I thought I would pop in and update y’all on what the fuck is going on in my life and a few of the things I’ve learned from doing this thing we call The Bro Journey for 11 months.

Buckle your seat belts, folks, it’s time to enter #teambringit mode.

Look at that body glistening in the heat!!

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Full Disclosure Friday: The Blind Date

By Austin Lytle

I recently had the opportunity to make the riskiest assist a wingman can make: the blind date. While I’ll admit the plan was hatched partly out of my own desires to perform social experiments, I genuinely felt these two parties would have a connection if brought together. The details of how the night ended will remain locked into the coffers of whatever room Matt Jared hoards those things in, but from what I hear, the night went well. I want this post to be about how anyone can go about taking social risks, no matter whatthe situation; putting any negatives of the situation into perspective.

Connections in our lives are made and missed in moments every day. Decisions like whether to leap into an overheard conversation, layout a lame pickup line, or enter into shared commentary on that biker who only wears thongs, there is no lack of these opportunities. To take advantage of these fleeting moments inherently requires risk – a highly intimidating prospect for most mere-mortals. So to make these social interactions easier, we employ techniques to ease the anxiety, like bringing in a friend or taking backthree or four tequila shots. However, sometimes it requires forcing it. Enter the blind date.

Sure, it conjures up crappy rom-coms or other non-bro shit, but it takes plenty of courage for the subjects, eh participants, to accept the offer to meet. It even takes a bit of risk taking for the broker. From where I sat, pulling it off made it possible for a young lion and lioness to find each other in the vast dating wilderness. Screw it up and those lions end up eating you. So invoking my inner Goose, I set up the larger half of the bro-journey with an incredibly sweet and attractive past colleague. These two friends, albeit witha bit of nudging, accepted the offer and they decided to put themselves on the highway to outside their comfort zones and take this risk.

“Talk to me Goose”

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Full Disclosure Friday… Max and Matt’s Turtle Journey

NOTE: Today is my first attempt at gathering folks for an unofficial Bro Journey Happy Hour. We had planned on me posting the next review for the Batman series, but I’m going to get that to your lovely fat faces early next week. So here’s today’s FDF, I love you all. – matthew william isaac “i have four names and am better than you” jared

We here at The Bro Journey spend hours upon hours antagonizing one another in athletic competitions, non-atheletic competitions, eating competitions, and a million other challenges where we are pitted against one another for the glory of The BroJo (our apartment). Sometimes these challenges and events are legit (we just signed up for Tough Mudder) where we are on a team competing against the universe to not stomp us out, other times we participate in totally non-legit screaming matches about obscure pop culture references (see THIS post and the fact that Seal is a part of Batman Forever (which is bullshit by the way)) and sometimes we occassionally let chance and luck take over in our battles. Tonight is one of those nights where we are using the forces of nature to fight our bro battles for us. Tonight we dine in amphibious hell. Tonight we are going Turtle Racing!!!

No word yet on whether the turtles will be of the teenage mutant variety or not.

Here are three reasons why turtle racing is awesome and why (if you are in Austin) you should join us…

1.) Fun (not the band, you jackal)

Now I know what you’re thinking…

“Max and Matt, how DARE you take those innocent creatures for granted and make them slaves for your entertainment, comradery and competition. Lord Chris Bosh will smite you when he revolves into the Dino King he once was and reigns over all of Planet Earth!!”

First off all, calm the f down, PETA. This harmless event is a fun way for turtles to make friends, get some exercise and make some cash for their owners. Second of all, this is Texas and the state law requires me to do whatever the shit I want to do. So sit down, be quiet or KINDLY LEAVE.

I know it may seem a little inhumane but the fact of the matter is, Max and I need to keep our Bro Competition safe and sound and the best way to do such a thing is to attend obscure events around town where we can drink copious amount of beer for a reduced or no cost to us, yell at each other and ultimately not talk to anyone else but one another. Enter turtle racing. A cheap way for us to keep our competitive spirits thriving while we have some fun (albeit at the turtles expense).

STRAIGHT CHILLIN

2.) It’s the start of summer

And that means that its going to get hotter than the hinges of hell every single day from now until December, or something like that. It’s been relatively COOOL (Mr. Freeze voice) the past few weeks, but Satan’s ass is about to explode all over this great state and it’s going to be 105+ for three days next week. The super secret and discreet location of our underground turtle racing ring (Captain Woody’s bar on W. 6th) is very nicely air conditioned with big ass fans and mist machines and freezing cold beer. This might be the last time I emmerge from the BroJo or other air conditioned places until tailgate season overwhelms my entire being. Furthermore, what better way to get close to nature during summer than to procure some turtles, cover them in a garbage can and gamble on which one will exit the playing surface first? It’s like being back in camp again!!

Summertime wear.

3.) Gambling

You all know that I enjoy placing a few bets from time to time. I’ll be damned if I don’t put some money on these hard shelled little guys. That is all. (Insert sneer and my henchmen coming to cart you off in an unmarked car).

Hello, friends.

So as your packing up your work this afternoon remember about the happenings going down at Captain Woody’s (Little Woodrows) this evening and come join us for some fun, summertime shenanigans, drinking and gambling. Or don’t and have a shitty night. The choice is yours…

Join us TONIGHT (6.22.12) at Little Woodrow’s on W. 6th in Austin at 7:00PM on the dot!! TURTLES!!!!!

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Full Disclosure Friday: Manly Units of Measurement

by: matt jared

I’m in the kitchen, cooking with fire (as they say on The Food Network (so I’m told)) and chopping away at what is sure to be a masterpiece. My Lipton noodles are waiting to be set ablaze with bubbly water (read: boiling) and Sriracha and all I need to add for premium nomage is butter… yet I’m somehow totally lost and stumped (and most likely looking quite dumb). I glare over and The Asshat (otherwise known as The Maxhat (or Max)), who is snickering as I struggle to tell the difference between tsp and tbsp,  therefore ruining my shot at making a good dinner and / or impressing any female I ever might cook for. Should I heat my water in Celcius, Faranheit or Kelvin? Should I add two cups, three gallons or a pint of water for maximum noodle texture?! What the shit is the difference, people!?

It’s not lost on you that the world we live in is a crazy place. For instance, Max and I live like a mile away from 80,000 bats. And neither of us has seen a single bat since I arrived. CRAZY, right?! What boggles my frontal lobe even more is that a mile for me could be 17,000 steps for a person of average height and 80,000 bats is nothing for Oswald Cobblepot. (Who is NOT wearing hockey pants)

Well, I’m tired of all the discrepancy in the world, frankly. It’s about time we pulled a Jimmy Chitwood and figured out the measurements of this here gymnasium we call Planet Earth. Today’s post is brought to you buy the word “WHAT” and the phrase “THE F*CK IS GOIN ON!” because I’m tired of not knowing how to measure things. So without further ado, I present to you the Manly Measurement Manifesto….

What the tits is Jimmy doing out there?!

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Full Disclosure Friday: Andrew Gauggel

 I’ve Always Wanted to be in a Boy Band

by Andrew Gauggel

There’s something amazing about a blog that examines life through the lenses of man-hood, moustachery, and mis-adventures. I am truly honored to write this week’s FDF and for my first post on the Bro Journey I thought I’d give you a little something special: my own rocky rise to stardom in the rough and tough music industry. Bear with me as I expose to you the inner workings of a man.

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Full Disclosure Friday: Madison Cleo

I Met The Bro Journey and Survived

It should be noted that I as I write about my personal experience with The Bro Journey, Max and Matt, I am drinking a 60/40% Vodka/OJ. These boys are serious bros and in order to make this magic happen, I need to have a little lubrication.

The Brona Lisa

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Full Disclosure Friday…I Am Networking And So Can You

by matt jared

So it’s not lost on you that I’ve moved to Texas without a job and I AM job hunting harder than Boba Fett was (human?) hunting for Han Solo. With the job search in full force comes a lot of uncomfortable emailing of strangers, meeting people in weird places and going to “networking events” that are pretty intense if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Since moving to Texas I’ve had to step FAR out of my comfort zone when it comes to networking and I’ve learned a few things from that experience. So I’m fully disclosing today that I am a networking hoss and I’m going to impart my knowledge on you fine bro journeyers. So buckle up your faces, people, it’s Full Disclosure Friday the 13 and I’m gonna learn you up on networking…

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