by E. Max Bonem, Esq.
Greetings minions and welcome to the the final countdown to the hairiest month of year (this is sort of up for debate, I’ve been living the hairiest year of my life, but yesterday I trimmed my face for the first time since mid-June and I feel super (sidenote – Matt asked me if I’d skinned a beaver and left its hide in our bathroom wastebasket this morning. Cohabitation at its finest.)). As many of you know, Movember is a month-long event in which us lads let our upper lips grow wild in order to raise money for prostate cancer research.
Not only is it a fun/joyous event, but for many, it is the only time that they’ll get to experience the joys/pains of living with a mustache. It’s a formative experience it is, what with the weird glances and the perpetual/insatiable desires of all who surround you to do nothing more than mount your face. True story. However, Movember is about WAY more than growing a mustache. The ‘stache is used as a symbol and a rallying cry, but what Movember is really about it raising research funding & awareness of a debilitating disease that WILL affect multiple men in your lives. It just so happens that we get to look silly/refine/Selleck-esque while doing good.
In honor of our sacred month, Matthew & I have been working on a new site (aptly titled “The Bro Journey) that will be launched as soon as humanly possible (aka 11:59pm, October 31st) in order to celebrate and educate some-a-y’all on, what else, but all things MAN. As a lead up to the holiest of holies (cue my unveiling of the Ark of the Brovenant), I thought it was time to share with everyone the oddest email that Matt & I encountered last Movember from none other than John Elerick, editor on Tosh.O & co-creator of The Gentlemen’s Rant. John, who hails from somewhere near Cleveland, and I have never met (that’s right folks, there are people from Ohio who DON’T know each other. Can I get you a pop?), but based solely on where he was spawned onto this Earth, I loathe his very existence (oddly enough, I also find him very humorous).
Last Movember, we reached out to John to see if he would contribute a piece to our Movember coverage and, to our surprise, not only did he respond, but he crafted some memorable prose (I use that term VERY loosely here). Below is John’s response in full. Um, enjoy?