Barry O’s Day Off

by E. Max Bonem, Esq.

Barrack Hussein Obama, lover of hoops, owner of Bo, and destroyer of individuals found to be even more elusive than the infamous Carmen Sandiego, was re-elected as POTUS last night in what turned out to be a surprisingly close election early on (while the division in both popular and electoral college votes between the two candidates slanted in Obama’s direction as the west coast started reporting in). For those of us who don’t know much about politics (including both members of this here Broeth Journey), it was a tense, nerve inducing, spectacle of holograms and David Gregory’s preposterous widow’s peak that guided us through the night. 

Get off your ass & go vote!

By E. Max Bonem, Esq.

Today, November 6^th, 2012, The Bro Journey partook in a tradition as old as our nation itself. We completed one of the few consistent quadrennial tasks (others being the adjustment of one’s diet, a new found interest in some foreign sport, and the ritual purchasing of new underpants, if your name is Matt Jared) and did it with both pride and a heavy outpouring of joie de vivre (Sidenote – I once took an entire class on the French Revolution, something that I do not recommend to any senior during their last quarter/semester in college, but since then I am now incapable of looking at America’s political history without linking it to the monumental moves made by Robespierre & Danton, along with many others. Great job fellas. (Why do I feel like “Viva La Vida” should be playing all of a sudden?)).

Brobespierre himself.

Movember Has Returned & So Has The Bro Journey.

 

Are You Ready For Some Mustache!?

by E. Max Bonem, Esq.

Greetings minions and welcome to the the final countdown to the hairiest month of year (this is sort of up for debate, I’ve been living the hairiest year of my life, but yesterday I trimmed my face for the first time since mid-June and I feel super (sidenote – Matt asked me if I’d skinned a beaver and left its hide in our bathroom wastebasket this morning. Cohabitation at its finest.)). As many of you know, Movember is a month-long event in which us lads let our upper lips grow wild in order to raise money for prostate cancer research.

Not only is it a fun/joyous event, but for many, it is the only time that they’ll get to experience the joys/pains of living with a mustache. It’s a formative experience it is, what with the weird glances and the perpetual/insatiable desires of all who surround you to do nothing more than mount your face. True story. However, Movember is about WAY more than growing a mustache. The ‘stache is used as a symbol and a rallying cry, but what Movember is really about it raising research funding & awareness of a debilitating disease that WILL affect multiple men in your lives. It just so happens that we get to look silly/refine/Selleck-esque while doing good.

Mo on boys and one day, you too can be this 80s-epic.

In honor of our sacred month, Matthew & I have been working on a new site (aptly titled “The Bro Journey) that will be launched as soon as humanly possible (aka 11:59pm, October 31st) in order to celebrate and educate some-a-y’all on, what else, but all things MAN. As a lead up to the holiest of holies (cue my unveiling of the Ark of the Brovenant), I thought it was time to share with everyone the oddest email that Matt & I encountered last Movember from none other than John Elerick, editor on Tosh.O & co-creator of The Gentlemen’s Rant. John, who hails from somewhere near Cleveland, and I have never met (that’s right folks, there are people from Ohio who DON’T know each other. Can I get you a pop?), but based solely on where he was spawned onto this Earth, I loathe his very existence (oddly enough, I also find him very humorous).

Last Movember, we reached out to John to see if he would contribute a piece to our Movember coverage and, to our surprise, not only did he respond, but he crafted some memorable prose (I use that term VERY loosely here). Below is John’s response in full. Um, enjoy?

Nice Stache Cleveland.

The Difference Between What’s Up Top & What’s Down Below.

 

 

11 Months of Bro Journeying: What I’ve learned and what’s to come

Well well well, if isn’t The Bro Journey. Back in your internet faces again on a regular basis. Didn’t think it would ever happen again, eh? Well, I have a quick little quip for you savages… WE ARE F’ING HERE TO STAY. Well not totally, I locked Max outside on our balcony last night and haven’t let him back in yet. So we’re kind of back to normal form.

Anyway, I wanted to holler at you peeps because yesterday was kind of a big deal. It’s the 11 month anniversary of The Bro Journey. That’s right THESE two guys have had a blog for nearly an entire year and didn’t burn the internet to the ground. So with such a markedly big day in the history of the inter pipes, I thought I would pop in and update y’all on what the fuck is going on in my life and a few of the things I’ve learned from doing this thing we call The Bro Journey for 11 months.

Buckle your seat belts, folks, it’s time to enter #teambringit mode.

Look at that body glistening in the heat!!

Full Disclosure Friday: The Real Bro Journey, Part 2 – One Triathlon Down

Editor’s Note: This morning Matt & I awoke to the horrific news of the Colorado movie theater shooting. Although we tend to focus on the humorous side of things here on The Bro Journey, we want to extends our hearts and thoughts to those who were affected by this unbelievable tragedy. That being said, if you need to shift your mind to a slightly better place this morning/afternoon, you can read below about how my bike hates me.

On Friday May 11^th, 2012, The Bro Journey made a declaration, or dare I say a proclamation, to the world that we would do the unthinkable or, at least improbable, by completing a sprint distance triathlon. Well friends, after a few minor setbacks (i.e. Matt’s ankle not healing in time to participate & my complete lack of swimming abilities), The Bro Journey did just that, albeit with a few more minor setbacks occurring mid-race, but more on that later.

Agreed Vladimir Putin, Agreed.

The Couples Tri is the fourth part of the Texas Tri Serieswith each race varying in size/classification. As for Couples though, the course included the following: an 800-meter (1/2 mile if you’re ‘Murican) swim, an 11.2-mile bike ride, and a 5K (3.2 mile) run. After riding the bike course a few times, it became the section of the race that I not only didn’t fear, but also the section that I expected to kick some ass on. After previous rides on the exact course, I was confident that I could finish it in less than 34 minutes, or just above a three-minute/mile pace.

Valid point young squire

AP Newswire: Bonem & beard of 5+ months forced to split, nation left in tears.

The Manliest Chart Ever.

He Def. Stills Wants An X-Wing: A Lady’s Take On Man-Children

By Emily Zimbabwe (Zuwiala)

Prepare yourselves for a special treat folks, we got a designer to write a post for us! (This is secretly every ad person who has ever worked with art directors/designers’ dream: to make them do what they feel least comfortable doing, WRITING (insert sinister evil genius laugh here)) However, all jokes aside, we here at The Bro Journey are absolutely delighted to have Emily on board, even if she is pint-sized she devil with legs of steal and eyes that pierce the soul (at least that’s what my roommate tells me).

Yum indeed.

Please note that this piece was crafted during our Movember experience. It’s been a bro journey all in it’s own just getting this from the gal. Alas, enjoy minions!